An Embarrassment of Itches Read online

  An Embarrassment of Itches

  Copyright © 2021 by M.K. Dean

  Published by REDCLAW PUBLISHING

  Cover art by Melody Simmons, Bookcoverscre8tive.com

  Edited by Phyllis A Duncan, Unexpected Paths Author Services

  All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and constitutes a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including recording, photocopying, or through any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except where permitted by law. To request permission, and for all other enquiries, contact M.K. Dean at [email protected]

  Table of Contents

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Hyperthyroidism in Cats

  M.K. Dean Also Writes as McKenna Dean

  About the Author

  Dedication

  There are always so many people to thank for helping to bring a new story into the world. I couldn’t do any of this without the support of my wonderful critique group, beta readers, editors, and cover artists. Special thanks to Claire M. Johnson for coming up with the clever title!

  And as always, an extra-special thanks to my husband, who hears me muttering curses under my breath as I attempt to format something or wrangle something technical and, without asking, comes over to say, “What can I do to help?”

  How did I get so lucky?

  Chapter One

  This wasn't something I learned in vet school. As matter of fact, you don't learn a lot of things in vet school.

  One of my friends once likened our veterinary education to the Rio Grande: four miles wide and two inches deep. That sums it up nicely. Professors throw facts at you at light-speed. Anatomy, physiology, pharmacology, parasitology ... If the word ends in “ology,” chances are we studied it. But mostly what you learn in vet school is how to learn. How to study, how to look up things, how to find out what you don't know.

  Anything beyond that is up to you.

  Which is how I found myself standing in the middle of Ben’s living room with his ball python, Dolly, wrapped around my body. I had her neck, if one could truly identify a neck on a snake, clamped under one arm so that her head came up to about chest height. I tried to ignore the fact that the bulk of her snaky body encircled my torso in a loving squeeze.

  “Hand me the red rubber feeding tube, will you?” I said to Ben.

  He passed it over and together we gently pried open Dolly's mouth. Snakes have fairly delicate jaw structures and we needed to avoid breaking her mandible. I began slipping the rubber tube into her mouth a little at a time.

  “How do you know you aren't putting it in her lungs?” Ben asked.

  The truth of the matter is that I wasn't entirely sure. This was the first time I had ever tubed a snake. But there was no one else in the area willing to help Ben and Dolly, and so I was giving it my best shot. I tried to sound confident when I replied, “It's not that easy to put a tube down the windpipe of a snake. Their esophagus is much bigger.”

  Ben nodded as if that made perfect sense to him.

  Fortunately, Dolly remained fairly tractable to the procedure and we were able to place the pre-measured tube where I wanted it to go. “All right. See that syringe with the white stuff in it? That's the dewormer. Attach it to the end of the feeding tube and slowly push in the plunger.”

  Together we watched in quiet fascination as Ben administered the medication to his snake, Ben making sure that the syringe didn't detach from the feeding tube while I hoped and prayed that I was correct about the difficulty of getting the tube in the wrong hole.

  Since Dolly showed no ill effects after receiving the contents of the syringe, I had Ben detach it while I kinked the feeding tube so it wouldn’t leak much as I pulled it out of her mouth.

  “I think that will do it. Hopefully that will take care of her parasites. We'll need to look at a stool sample in a week to make sure.”

  “Thanks, Doc. I sure appreciate you being willing to see Dolly. Most folks round here would rather take a shovel to her kind.”

  “No problem, so long as you realize I'm no expert. I consulted with an exotics specialist over in Charlottesville. Luckily, it turns out that you can use a certain kind of liquid dewormer for dogs in snakes. Who knew? Anyway, he told me what drug to get and how much to give based on her body weight.”

  “Well, I'm sure Dolly appreciates you taking such good care of her.”

  Ben started to unwind the snake from my body only she didn't want to go. Not only did she tighten her grip, but somehow during the deworming process, she had threaded her tail up underneath my sweater and had it hooked around my bra strap. I guess she liked the warmth? Either way, as Ben attempted to lift her off me, she pulled back and squeezed. I could feel the coil of her muscles clamp around me, and I admit to a little spurt of concern.

  I like snakes in a mild sort of way. I don't mind handling them. I'm not afraid when I run across them in the yard. I respect them enough to keep my distance from the venomous ones, and then my primary concern is protecting my pets. But I also like mice. So, it's never really occurred to me to keep snakes since doing so involves feeding them live prey. And although Ben is a nice guy, it makes me just a little uncomfortable to be in his house. All those cages and tanks with heat lamps and a wide variety of reptiles and spiders. Not my thing.

  But such is the nature of being a house-call vet. Often you are called to enter a wide variety of homes in all kinds of situations. I don't always have the luxury of taking someone with me, which is why I usually take my German Shepherd, Remington.

  Not in Ben's house, however. I had visions of the big, young dog knocking over cages and releasing all kinds of creepy crawlies. Remy was waiting for me in the car, and I was alone with Ben and his too-affectionate snake.

  “I'm so sorry.” Ben struggled to remove the loops of snake. “She must really like you.”

  I managed a nervous chuckle.

  Ben worked most of the snake off me, but her tail kept its tenacious grip on my bra strap. A frown creased Ben’s face as he tried to determine what was preventing the snake from letting go, and he turned beet-red when a tug on Dolly resulted in me yelping and clutching my chest.

  Before the moment could intensify further, Dolly suddenly released her grip. Ben draped her over his shoulders and cooed softly to her as he stepped back. From his constipated expression, he was trying hard not to laugh. I wondered how long it would take before my latest animal adventure made the circuit through the town gossip mill.

  Manfully wiping the smile from his face, he asked, “What do I owe you?

  I glanced at my watch. As usual, I was already running late. “Let me send you an invoice. I've got to get up to Amanda Kelly's place.”

  Ben lived in a single-wide trailer with aquariums in cages stacked al
ong narrow walls. I shuffled down the passageway to the door. Ben followed behind me, carrying Dolly.

  He paused at the door as I exited the trailer, squinting out into the chilly March day. “You going to the town meeting later this week?”

  “I doubt it. Depends on if I have the time.”

  It was no secret that I had had my run-ins with the Town Council and its zoning policies. When I moved back to the area to take care of my family, I’d purchased a small piece of property with the proper zoning—agricultural—to open my own veterinary practice. Certainly, no one would ever buy the property for the house that was on it. Before I’d invested my life savings into the land, I'd gone to the planning office to make there wouldn’t be any issues with my intentions. I’d been assured there would be no difficulties. Unfortunately, months later when I went to apply for a business license and to start building, I discovered a small clause in the zoning laws that required me to have a commercial kennel license in order to keep more than three dogs at that location. The land wasn’t zoned for that, and none of my neighbors were keen on having a kennel of barking dogs next to them. No matter that I didn’t intend to board dogs and that the only animals there would be patients. Dozens of battles with the Town Council later, I was operating a house-call practice and living in a dump that I couldn't sell. Town meetings were a waste of my time.

  Ben scratched the side of his chin. “It's going to be about that new development. You might want to come.”

  I shook my head. “The town's going to do what the town's going to do. Nothing we say is going to make one iota of difference. We all fought against the pipeline coming through here. They passed it anyway.”

  Ben shot me a grin, revealing a sad need for dental work he no doubt couldn’t afford. “Yeah, but look what happened to the pipeline. We fought it so long it cost them too much money, so they bailed on it. We won in the end.”

  I cocked an index finger in his direction as I walked toward my car. “Point taken. I'll try to show up if I can.”

  “I just thought you might have something to say about the new lifetime dog licenses.”

  That stopped me in my tracks. “What are you talking about?”

  “Mom got a notice in the mail the other day. She has to register Biscuit, but they want twenty-five dollars for a lifetime tag.”

  Biscuit was a lovely little spaniel that Ben’s mother doted on, but she was at least twelve if she was a day.

  “That doesn’t make any sense. The whole point of dog licenses is that you can’t get one unless your dog’s rabies vaccination is current. So how are they going to police the rabies status of dogs once you buy a lifetime tag?”

  A sour look crossed Ben’s face as he shrugged. “I dunno. Feels like a money grab to me.”

  “It does to me, too.” Frowning, I added, “Yeah, I’ve got a thing or two to say about that. I’ll probably come to the meeting. Thanks for the heads up.”

  I opened the hatch on my battered Subaru Forester and stowed my bag in the rear compartment where my medical supplies stood stacked in plastic containers. Remy sat up in the back seat of the car and tilted his head to one side. Ninety pounds and sable in color, he resembled a large coyote. He should have been an intimidating presence. Perhaps he still was to some, but one ear listed to the side, giving him a kind of goofy look. He was more Scooby-Doo than Rin Tin Tin.

  When I lost my last German Shepherd to cancer, I told myself no more big dogs. I no longer had the lifestyle to support their needs. I’d been twenty-four when I got Major, and I’d had him for fourteen years. When he was young, I’d been able to take him hiking twice a week, and we went swimming and camping. Even though I worked crazy hours at a busy veterinary practice, I still found the time and energy for him. I’d competed him in agility and rally obedience events. He’d gone everywhere with me.

  But that's not my life now. Even though I'm my own boss, running your own practice means you're responsible for everything. It was hard to make time for the things I enjoyed, like hiking and horseback riding or training my dog. The plan had been to downsize to a smaller, less energetic dog. Or at least, it was until my mother had begun freaking out about all the times I went into people's houses by myself at all hours of the day and night. She wanted me to get a gun. The compromise was another big dog.

  Unless I was being attacked by a bag of Scooby Snacks, I seriously doubted Remy would protect me. He was really a Labrador in a German Shepherd suit. Or a college frat boy. You could almost hear him asking where the keg party was.

  When he realized he wasn't getting out of the car, Remy lowered his head back to the seat with a sigh. I got behind the wheel and waved to Ben and Dolly as I drove off.

  The dashboard clock mocked my tardiness, but at least Amanda would expect me to be late. That was one thing I didn't regret by giving up the high-pressure appointment-every-ten-minutes practice where I’d worked when I graduated from vet school. Here, my clients knew if I was late to see them, it was because I had overstayed with the previous client, and I would also spend as much time with them as needed. The downside, of course, was being the sole generator of all income and the only one paying all the bills.

  But when my dad had become ill, someone had to come back to Greenbrier and help my mom take care of him. Given the lack of job opportunities in such a small town on the border between Virginia and North Carolina, and the fact that my previous job had literally been killing me, I was the most logical candidate. My sister, Eliza Jane (Liz to her friends), and her husband both worked corporate jobs in Charlotte, North Carolina. Aside from uprooting their young children, they wouldn't have been able to find comparable jobs without a minimum two-hour commute.

  As the unmarried daughter, I was the one with the most flexibility. Especially once I’d paid off my student loans. The irony was that at almost forty years of age, I was still living like a student. I’m sure I could have moved in with my mother after my father died. In fact, she’d asked me to do so. But I pointed out my coming and going at all hours, as well as the large number of animals in my personal care, dictated the need for a place of my own. Besides, I had hopes of dating again. Someday.

  Because of the reptiles, Ben kept his trailer at the temperature of your average greenhouse. I had taken off my parka to enter his place, but now wished I’d put it back on before getting into the car. March in our little neck of the Blue Ridge Mountains could be extremely unpredictable. One day it will be nearly sixty degrees, and the crocus will be blooming. The next, the temperatures will have dropped thirty degrees with an ice storm rolling in.

  Pewter clouds blotted out the sun as I cranked up the heat in the old car and drove along the winding roads to Amanda's place. Was that a fleck or two of snow coming down? Most likely.

  I looked forward to my meeting with Amanda. I'd recently diagnosed her senior Siamese, Ming, with hyperthyroidism, a common disease in older cats. Today, I was taking her the initial medication for Ming, as well as some flea and tick preventative and dewormer for the small colony of feral cats Amanda fed. Okay, it was really my colony of feral cats. They just happened to live on Amanda’s property. My place was too close to the road and Amanda was very accommodating about letting me relocate cats to her farm. I trapped, vaccinated, and had them spayed and neutered before taking them out to Amanda's place. So far, I’d kept the numbers low. We tamed and re-homed any young kittens. Most of the farm residents were older toms too wild to be rehabilitated.

  As a house cat, Ming did not socialize with such scruffy ruffians as the ferals. And what a house he lived in. Sometimes it was hard not to be envious of Amanda's home. Perched on a hilltop, the house offered a stunning view of the Blue Ridge Mountains that stretched away across the valley. But she also had enough flat land to support a small barn and riding arena, and miracle of miracles, decent fencing. Amanda herself no longer rode, but she’d adopted several old rescue horses to save them from slaughter. I rarely had time to ride myself, but it was nice having a safe place to keep my hors
e. In exchange for looking after Amanda's old rescues, I got free board and hay for my horse. After I went over with Amanda how to medicate Ming and what to expect with his treatment, I’d stop by the barn to hand out apples.

  I drove across the cattle guard into Amanda's property and up the long curving drive past the barn toward the house. Remy sat up when we bumped across the guard and whined with excitement. The closer we got to the house, the louder he became.

  “I don't know, buddy,” I said over my shoulder. “You know how Ming feels about you. You may have to stay in the car this time, too.”

  He yodeled as we drove past the free-standing garage, a little whoo-whoo-whoo as we approached the house. Amanda's little red Mini Cooper was parked alongside her green Jeep. It must be nice being able to have summer and winter vehicles. Actually, it would be nice to have one vehicle that didn't have over 200,000 miles on it. I would have to replace the Subaru soon, and I needed something with all-wheel drive. Unfortunately, another Forester wasn't in the budget.

  I got out of the car and grabbed my kit from the back. Once the weather turned warmer, I’d reinstall the metal grill that would keep Remy contained but allow me to leave the back of the car open. Despite his friendly nature, no one in their right mind would try to break into a car with a German Shepherd inside.

  “Wait here,” I told Remy. His ears drooped as I shut the rear hatch. I swear it felt colder than when I left the house that morning. Given that I soon expected to be sitting Amanda's kitchen table, sipping a cup of chamomile tea, I decided to leave my coat in the car. As I stood on the doorstep waiting for a response to the buzzer, I regretted that decision. On the ridge, the wind blew constantly, stirring the large wind chimes hanging from a nearby tree into a sonorous murmur.

  I glanced at my watch again. I wasn't that late. An artist, Amanda was an early riser. I hadn’t seen much of her work, but the local library had one of her pieces on display, and I’d glimpsed various works-in-progress. Amanda Kelly was a gifted painter, and I suspected her art was the source of her money. It seemed kind of crass to ask if sketching flowers really brought in the kind of moolah it took to live as she did. What if she said no? The implication would be that she was born into wealth, and I was being nosy. And if she said yes, I would have regretted not paying more attention in art class. We were friends, but not watching romcoms in our PJs with a bottle of wine kind of friends.